Friday, April 11, 2008

Unacceptable things to eat before 11 am in the morning

1. Sushi
2. Popcorn

Sushi is fairly self-explanatory without having to clarify much further. There's something a bit fishy (har har har) about ingesting raw slimy things before the clock striketh noon. The mere thought of letting a piece of yellow-tail carpaccio slide down my throat first thing in the morning is enough to make my stomach flip and tumble like a beady-eyed, angry Russian gymnast.

As fas as popcorn is concerned, while I am not particularly opposed to the principle of ingesting corn/grain-like products for a morning meal, the pungency of that processed buttery smell is offensively repulsive at such an early hour. I can sort of see the logic in making plain popcorn in one of those fancy schmancy popcorn popping machines that only people like Martha Stewart own -- it even seems like it might be a semi-fiberlicious way to break the morning bread! But I draw the line when semi-fiberlicious equates to microwave butter popcorn. Especially when said popcorn is made in the office kitchen at my place of business -- the kitchen that is approximately twenty yards from my nostrils.

While I habitually turn up my nose at the stench of the Lean Cuisines my officemates heat up for lunch, I am not viscerally offended by the scent of cheese ravioli, or one of those funky bean burritos that kind of resemble something a dog might find palatable. If they want to fulfill their sodium (and grossness) quotas for the day in one fell-swoop, it's their arteries/heart's problem -- not mine. I actually sort of enjoy watching them contaminate their bodies while I happily nosh on my nutritious and delicious homemade turkey and hummus sandwiches with raw veggies on the side. (I like to feel superior.)

The problem with microwave popcorn is not so much that it is nutritional hogwash (though it is), but rather that the popcorn consumer is imposing his/her hogwash upon all the other people on the office floor when he/she plops that bag down in the microwave. It is fairly acceptable (though not desirable) in the afternoon hours, but at 10:23 am? I call "office foul!" If I were a client still deciding whether to hire a company, and I walked into a blast of popcorn stench before 11 am, I would immediately say, "Wham, bam, no thank you, ma'am!" But that's not really the point.

The point is: Someone on my floor just made popcorn, it smells and I'm grouchy. Did you get the memo?


Eric said...

Heh heh, do your work colleagues read this blog? Or maybe just the salad-eating ones?

Diana H. said...

One or two read it, but they eat Pinkberry and sandwiches in addition to the salads.

MzAmyK said...

Hi Diana,
I just found your blog. So now I know why you are so busy and hardly on Yelp anymore. Keep up the great work.