I really hate to ask. I'm an independent spirit -- I don't want to rely on you or your favors to get what I want! Unless they are party favors, but even then only if they are good favors like Godiva truffles or one of those fancy vanilla-scented candles that I probably won't ever burn, but will still look nice on my coffee table. What's that? Get to the point? Well, fine. I suppose you don't really care about my coffee table accesories. I'll just go ahead and ask then.
I was wondering... can you... err... do you think it's possible to... err... oh heck! Will you please just go and get one of Susie Cakes' June cupcakes-of-the-month before they are gone like Arrested Development?
I know, I know. Vanilla cupcakes studded with strawberries and white chocolate chips that are covered with a hefty spread of vanilla buttercream frosting are not as cool and trendy as red velvet cupcakes, but trendy is not always best! Do I need to remind you of my feelings about people who wear UGGs with mini skirts, or leggings under dresses? No? Oh. Ok. Well, for the record, I think they super suck!
You know what doesn't suck? What's that? Ah, yes, you do make a good point -- I think cream cheese frosting doesn't suck either, but have you even tried Susie Cakes' buttercream variety? It's not too shabby. And by "not too shabby" I mean "awesome." Not gritty at all either! I know you get concerned about the propensity for sugar overload when feasting on the buttercreams, but don't fret, my pet, Susie Cakes' version is luscious and delicious! It pairs excellently with the moist vanilla cake -- I didn't even miss the cream cheese!
No, you didn't hear me incorrectly. I did say, "moist." Haha, I totally agree -- "moist" is a gross sounding word! You know what isn't gross? Strawberries and mini white chocolate chips invading the nooks and crannies of a "moist" vanilla cupcake. Ok, fine. I'll stop saying, "moist." Moist. Moist. Wait, don't go! I'll stop! I promise! Moist. I swear that was the last one! But seriously, it is. You won't get a Sahara tongue by ingesting this cupcake. Unless you are taking some prescription drug that causes dry mouth. You aren't still doing that, are you? Good. Sugar highs are much cheaper! And yummier!
Phew! I feel so much better. I'm glad you think it's ok that I asked. $3 really isn't that much for a cupcake. You can't even buy a gallon of gas for that!
So, you really think you'll go get one before June is over? You better hurry -- there are only a few days left! And I'd feel so very sorry for you if you missed out on such a great cupcake, because you are lazy or worried about looking good in your bikini. You might as well just give up on that, BTW -- no one looks that chic in a bikini aside from Heidi Klum and Giselle. You, my friend, are no Heidi Klum. I know! She totally does have a super cool accent! I sort of like Victoria Beckham's better though. She's super fierce. You know what else is fierce?
Aww. That's so sweet of you. I really do make an effort to exude fabulousness and excellent fashion sense! And you are so right, I am a good friend to tell you how delectable Susie Cakes' June cupcakes are. I know you're going to love them! I just have one last favor to ask...
... will you let me know what you think when you try it? You will? Thanks! You're THE best!
Hah, I know. I was just kidding. I really am the best, aren't I?